I Remember
by Juclesia
Summary: COMPLETE. I remember the first time I met you, Master Tetsuo...This is a reflection of everything that happened to Kaori while she was with Tetsuo. Very sad. Please read and review... you'll like it. TetsuoKaori


Disclaimer: I do not own any of Akira.

_I Remember . . . ._

I remember the first time I met you, Master Tetsuo.

I was so scared when they ripped the clothes from my body, so frightened as they shoved me into that room. The other two girls in my company were the only ones that were able to comfort me really. Not with words, not even with hugs of sympathy and understanding. Their being there was enough for me, to know that I wasn't the only one afraid of what was to come.

It's not that I was _ashamed _of my body. It's just, the situation seemed so awkward— I felt like my body was all you were staring at—, so it was only natural for my arms to wrap securely around myself, to at least feel a little bit safer from your eyes. I could see the other two women had done the same thing.

And then, when you threw us those pills. I really did believe you, when you told us they weren't full strength, and that they were just to help us relax. And all I could think about was Father. He was very sick, most likely irreparable, but he needed the pill more than I did. I hoped it would at least relieve some of his suffering, help him "relax"— and so I disobeyed you, and didn't swallow it.

But the other two did. And I'll never forget the horror you put me through.

I'll never forget the way I had to mimic the others' behavior so that you wouldn't suspect anything; the way I degraded myself by kissing your chest, your arms. I felt so dirty, so sinful— but it was the only way. And I won't even say what the other ones were kissing. All I'll say, is that was too much for me; I didn't imitate that.

But oh my God, the undescribable fear I felt— fear for my life, fear of you— as I leaned down to kiss your mechanical fingers. I hadn't expected what happened next: one of your digits twitching stiffly, as though I'd angered you somehow, your hand turning so that you could lift my chin. I was caught off guard when your face appeared before mine, your lips forcing themselves on mine— and I instinctively turned away.

I'm still not sure what happened then. You seemed frozen suddenly. Your eyes became bleary, vacant. They were frightening, your eyes, and without warning your naked body flew back against the pillows as if in agony. I gasped, watched as you began to writhe with you hands clawing at the sheets around you, felt impotent. It was like you weren't there, like you weren't in this world.

The others' screams soon joined yours to create a sick twisted choir. Their bodies, too, turned away from you, and had begun to convulse. One brought her hands to her head futilely, her body arching, her breasts thrusting into the air; the other had rolled onto the floor and into a shivering ball, her hair knotted between her clawed fingers. I hadn't even realized I'd been backing away— I was so shocked— before I felt the wall, cool against my back. I was trembling now; and no matter how hard I tried, my eyes were locked upon the macabre scene.

Soon though, the girls' shrieks stopped, as did they struggling; a dark, thick liquid could be seen pooling out from beneath them.

And then you stopped. Abruptly. Your back was turned to me as you sat up, looked around. "A _dream_ . . ." you said " . . . it was just a _dream_."

But how could it have been? Your eyes, they'd been open the whole time. I still don't understand.

"No, something more . . ."

You must have heard my breathing. Suddenly your head snapped to the side, and one eye fell on me.

I remembered the way I cowered, trying to push myself farther into the wall as you walked up to me. Your face was writ with pain and exhaustion, as you said: "You didn't take your pill, did you?"

And if I had, I'd have been just like the other two . . .

I was so scared to answer, afraid I'd say the wrong thing, afraid I'd only make you angrier. "I'm . . . I'm sorry . . ." I stammered, my voice barely above a whisper "I just thought . . . I'd give it to my _father_ . . . he's very sick."

"What's your name?"

"Me . . .? K-kaori . . . I'm Kaori."

I don't know what I'd expected, but to be honest, it wasn't that.

"Kaori, huh?" you repeated, as though fascinated. Then you turned around, and began . . . walking away. "Okay, Kaori. Wait here."

And that's how I first met you, Master Tetsuo. Do you remember?

Because I do.

After that, I served under you, cared for you and the boy. It was hard taking care of the little one though; he never smiled. Not when I fed him, not when I read him a bed time story.

But then again, neither did you. You were constantly frightened. Of what? I don't know. I just remember the multiply times you would be alone huddled in a fetal ball, your eyes taking on that vacancy. It made me feel so sorry for you. Because, out there, in public, you were so different. Maybe it was because you were trying to make an example, trying to be the leader everyone expected you to be, not wanting them to know what I knew: that you were in more pain than anyone else, more frightened.

And when you called my name, I'd go to you. I'd comfort you. I'd hold you in my arms and soothe your fears. And as I'd sit there, with your head in my lap, all that ran through my head, was that this was not the same man whom I'd met. Not the same . . .

When you'd gone through that change, everyone thought you'd been cured. You were like an angel from above, Master Tetsuo. You were radiant and clean, your hair seemingly trimmed, the black circles under your eyes gone. And still you called my name. To be honest, I'm not sure what I meant to you, why you'd say you needed me. I thought maybe I was your cushion, the mother you never had. "Kaori," you'd moaned, "stay with me . . . stay with me . . ."

And then you were the leader again, frightening, intimidating, one that no one would want to displease. You put together that demonstration, I remember, showed the empire that power within you, and blew a hole in the moon. No one doubted you after that I'm sure; but personally I didn't agree with your actions. So many deaths followed it, when the erratic, violent storms swept across the world because of the damaged moon.

But what happened to you then? What had gotten into you? Imagine my surprise when your right-hand man came just as I'd finished tucking Akira in, to order me to calm you down. He said everyone was afraid of you, afraid even to get near you, that one guy was just a smear on the wall because of you.

That was the first time I'd been scared of you since the first time we'd met, as I walked through the bloodied halls in search for you, guts and severed limbs laying splayed across the floor.

What did you expect of me as I walked to the end of the corridor to see you sitting there, so sad, so innocently. I couldn't believe someone with a face as pure as yours could have done something like this.

Then I saw the body smeared on the wall, and gasped. You said you'd been waiting for me, held out a blood-freckled hand. I was trembling despite that innocence in your face, despite you saying I had nothing to fear.

And I wanted to believe you, just like the way I'd believed you when you'd told me that pill was just to help me relax. But you'd lied then— so how was I supposed to assure myself you weren't lying now?

I was still trembling when I slipped my hand in yours. "Kaori!" you said, your voice thick with pain, frustration. As though in attempt to reassure me, you pulled me toward you to close the distance, wrapped your arms around me, and nuzzled your face into my torso. I was startled at first. I wasn't sure how to react. But as I heard your rapid, bated breaths, the fear within me unexplainably died; I whispered your name and ran my cool fingers through your hair.

Then we lied down together, just like we used to, with you in my lap. I was worried, though; it was just like it used to be; you shivered violently, your unblinking eyes glazed and accentuated by those frightening black circles. I wanted nothing more than to save you, to comfort you. I wanted to chase those unknown monsters in your mind away; I just wanted you to smile again, like you had after the change.

When I though about it, I came to realize that you were the real victim here. You were the one suffering, trying to control that monster inside you.

And everyone hated you, blamed you when you lost control it. That's why they stalked through the hall armed with guns, to kill you. I was shocked. "Y-you can't just kill him!" I yelled. "He needs help!"

Why? Why wouldn't they listen to me?

I know why: because they didn't understand. They didn't understand that you were trying your best, Master Tetsuo. That you were fighting for control, that it wasn't your fault this had happened. Not like I did. You were just misunderstood, and you always had been.

That's why . . .

That's why . . . . .

_Kaori . . . Can you hear me?_

_Tetsuo . . . _I reply . . ._where are you? . . . I can hear your voice . . . but I can't see you . . ._

I can feel your fingers as they dig into my shoulders, and yet . . . I can't move.

_I'm here, Kaori!_ you shout. _I'm right in front of you!_

_It's so dark . . . I can't see anything . . ._

_**Kaori!**_

I feel as my body falls limp against your chest, but I can't hear you anymore.

_Please, Tetsuo,— _I don't think you can hear me anymore either, for I can barely hear myself— _don't leave me . . ._

_I love you . . ._

ｵﾜﾘ

A/N: Okay, I'm sure not many people read this, but if you did, please review. I based this off the manga, so if you saw only the movie, you may have been a little confused; because they are completely different. In the manga, Kaori dies in the end when she runs to warn Tetsuo of the men that are going to betray him. However, before she can do so, one of the armed guys shoots her.

**Please Review!**


End file.
